Today is a bank holiday and I drove to teach my class as usual, but because the roads were quiet I had more time. I drove past Hammersmith hospital which I drive by some 3 times a week on a regular basis. I had some spare time and thought I would stop and walk around inside to remember the fact that 10 years ago I was in that place very ill.

I parked my car and was about to go through the main entrance and a voice called out to me. It was a lady who comes to my yoga classes all the time. She was with her daughter. The lady, who is 82 years old had, had a problem last week and was taken to hospital. She had been told that she needs open heart surgery. As we spoke her other daughter and two grand daughter's turned up. She looked happy to be surrounded by her family.

I have no idea why I chose to stop that day in particular. It was a strange and unexpected meeting which made me feel grateful for my life and my family and friends.

Hari Om

Today is my birthday. I am 57 years old. It feels strange to be 57. I will get my bus pass in 3 years unless something changes or I die.

Sometimes I feel like I'm 77. My body aches I feel tired and irritable and very negative. Sometimes I feel the opposite.

Within the context of these seeming shifts in my energy levels and perceptual changes I feel something permanent. This sense of permanence has grown through my commitment to 'practise'. Asana, Pranayama, Pratyhara, Dharana, Dhyana. Samahdi is surely just around the corner or not. Enjoy the journey. There is no where to get to anyway. There is always here. There is always now.

I know it all sounds a bit sixties hippiness but it's true !!

Within the mind there are no limits. Just sets of beliefs to be challenged and transcended. That is an evolving consciousness. An interesting book on this subject is 'Centre of the cyclone'. By John Lilly. MD.

Yoga practise is designed to put you under pressure. It is designed to make you uncomfortable. If we keep avoiding discomfort our life will revolve in ever decreasing circles until we cant move.

Our mind is conditioned to behave in a certain way and so is our body. Asana practise undoes the physical conditioning allowing an element of relaxation and deeper breath to penetrate the layers of conditioned mind/body stiffness. Pranayama takes us into ourselves by focusing on the sound and rhythm of our breath, going within is known as (Pratyhara). In order to 'stay' within we develop Dharana ( concentration). As we go deeper into this process we are now meditating on ourselves. Looking at what we think about and our habits, reactions, etc is a good place to start.

That should make you pretty uncomfortable ! Failing that just have a cup of relax anf look out of the window.

Practise is the answer if indeed you need an answer. If you are happy and contented then you are probably not going to need a practise. In my experience the people that do a practise of some kind whether it's yoga or something else are people that need it.

I personally think needing is the problem. If you have a lack or think you do then you need to know what that lack is. The best way to find out about that in a simple way is to go within. 'Meditate on yourself', is the message of the true teacher. It's not. 'Come and listen to me I know all the answers'. If someone says that run like fuck in the opposite direction ! Or failing that ask them if they know any good jokes !

The philosophy of yoga is vast. When I am teaching a yoga asana class which only lasts 45 mins I am delighted that at the end of this time the people in the class have a glimpse into how it works on a practical level. Talking is one thing, getting out of bed and doing the practice is a whole other thing. 'Get up and do it. Get on the floor and do your thing !' I wonder if James Brown did yoga ?

Some guy came over from India last year after writing a controversial book about yoga. I went to hear him speak. He seemed to me to be very certain as to how yoga should be done. This made me uncomfortable, especially when he told me to sit up straight. After listening to him tell me about the eight limbs and the order they were to be done in I asked him about the step before yoga starts. Where does the incentive to climb the mountain in the first place come from? Why do we practice? He waffled some answer about the fact (and I don't know this is true, and even if it is, its not much of an answer), ' that scientists have now located a gene in the DNA strand that predisposes some of us more towards a spiritual life'. I wasn't satisfied with this answer, were you?

Why am I doing this? Why do I do anything ? Hmmmmm.

What is the yardstick I use for action? To act or not act, this is the question. When I look into the nature of my thinking it is all conditioned by past experiences. Not an easy fact to accept. I become habituated to all sorts of things. I become comfortable and fall asleep, sometimes literally. Nice if you like sleeping. How do I stay awake then ?

Yoga asana causes a level of discomfort, we stay in this or that pose and breathe, watching and waiting. What changes when we do this ? Nothing really. But surely something feels different ?!

No saying has ever been truer when relating to yoga.: 'It's all in the mind'.

ps . Dont forget to laugh now and then!!

Why am I doing this ? There's a thought . . . . . . . . . .

I do my practise because it helps me stay centred and calm. When I dont do my practise after a time my mind starts to dominate me, my thoughts become all consuming and I buy into the reality of them. I know now that my mind like my body has been formed by everything that has happened to me so far in this life, it is a subjective conditional reality. Brain is hardware, thoughts etc are the software. Sometimes I need to upgrade my software. The more I think the lower my energy. The more I practise the less I think and the higher my energy the better I feel. My desire to feel good is the primary reason to practise.

Thought, ideas, real or unreal. Take a breath, hmmm, see more clearly, maybe do a downward dog, breathe a bit more deeply. Stop and look within, hmmmm, breathe again, maybe do 30 or forty pumps into kapalbhatti, hold the breath for 20 or 30 seconds, hmmmm. And on into the waking moment. What is in your mind, what feelings are you having? This is your life, like it, or not, this is it. What can you do today?

I have spent may hours sitting in rooms listening to people giving me their version of reality. I used to be thinking 'this is bullshit!' But my lack of trust in feeling made me sit there and listen to more bullshit. Activate the bullshit detectors within and make a difference. Ommmmmm

When I wake up I start to think (habit). Stopping for a moment I breathe (choice). So straight away I do something conscious and then I have a chance at having the type of day I want (choice again) rather than the day I feel I must act out. "For those who know no explanation is necessary. For those that dont no explanation is possible".

Responsibility

All very lovely. Yoga makes me feel better. Then I ask myself, what am I doing to help this planet? Hmmmm that takes me deeper into myself and my sense of responsibility. Ouch!

The day of the Guru is over only you can make a difference only you can know yourself. How? By going deeper into feelings and allowing these feelings to inform you. Wake up and look around.